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Resilience: the ability to recover quickly from difficulties or adversities.
It's no secret for parents of children with dyslexia that they face uphill battles every day. From struggling to keep up with their classmates and feeling misunderstood by teachers to dealing with the frustration of being unable to express themselves adequately, their daily challenges can sometimes feel insurmountable.
Yet, I am often asked by parents and educators for ways to help 'make' their child/ren more resilient. Here's the reality: dyslexia is already making them resilient, whether you can see it or not.
Yes, they may give up quickly, and sometimes, they may not even try a specific task. Yet, there are other areas where they show up and face their differences head-on and, in turn, are already developing skills many others will never possess.
This is in no way to romanticise the struggles our children face. It is far from easy, and every child should have appropriate support and understanding. But, recognising the resilience that our children are already demonstrating will help us approach them with empathy and compassion and better equip us to support them on their journey. We can support our children by:
Acknowledging and building upon their existing resilience
Redefining failure as a learning process and
Emphasising their unique strengths
Preventing emotional trauma by providing understanding and support
Teach coping techniques
Fostering a supportive environment
Empowering children to view challenges positively
Approaching the learning journey with understanding
The Concept of Failure for Children with Dyslexia
Failure is an often misunderstood concept, especially when it comes to children with dyslexia. It's critical to realise that for our children, failure is not an indicator of inability but, more often, a result of the system's inability to cater to their learning needs.
For a child with dyslexia struggling with reading or writing, it is rarely because they're not trying hard enough or aren't intelligent. They are processing information in a different way to the neurotypical/mainstream and devastatingly being told that they are failing, unable to keep up and lacking the smarts.
Yet, they aren't being graded for their unique abilities, creativity, and out-of-the-box thinking (to name a few), where they genuinely excel.
Understanding this is vital for parents and educators. We must redefine the meaning of failure for our children with dyslexia. It is a learning process, not a permanent state or a reflection of their capabilities. They will overcome any of their challenges if they are offered the proper support and guidance.
The Risk of Trauma on Children with Dyslexia
It is a sad reality that many children with dyslexia experience trauma throughout their education journey. It was most certainly true for me. Yet it's often dismissed with statements like 'they'll get there eventually', 'everyone learns at their own pace', 'maybe schools just not for them', and many more dismissive one-liners. The constant struggle with learning, the feeling of being different, and the lack of understanding from others can often lead to both emotional and psychological trauma.
It's common for children with dyslexia to experience anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and learning refusal. They may feel isolated and misunderstood, causing significant emotional distress. It's essential we not only recognise these signs early but to provide the necessary emotional support. Trauma can often be caused by how an event is internally processed more so than the event itself. Yet, so many of our children are left to process their difficulties unaided, leading to lifetime-long impacts.
But trauma experienced by children with dyslexia isn't inevitable. It results from a lack of understanding, support and accommodation for their individual needs. It only takes one person, a parent, family member, teacher, or supporter, to acknowledge their struggles and provide the proper support to help prevent this kind of trauma and foster a healthier mental and emotional environment for our children.
Coping Techniques for Children with Dyslexia
Even though resilience is forced upon our children at a young age, I recognise the importance of offering techniques that will them cope with the stress and overwhelm that they still encounter.
Firstly, it's about fostering a supportive and understanding environment. For me, this looks like truly understanding my son's struggles, providing the necessary support and accommodations, and celebrating his successes in all areas of life, no matter how small.
It also involves teaching him coping strategies such as stress management techniques, problem-solving skills, and emotional regulation techniques such as box breathing, mindful moments, yoga and other physical activities as well as meditation.
It's also about perspective. My son and I often discuss where we made mistakes in the day and how we adapted our strategy to do better. We laugh at ourselves with compassion often; If I've misspelled something or misread a sentence, it is usually followed up with "Mum's in creative mode again" rather than 'That's wrong'. I can't tell you how beautiful that feels for me, having spent my entire childhood believing I wasn't smart enough.
As I often discuss, encouraging his strengths and talents is critical. By recognising and nurturing his gifts it helps boost his self-esteem and confidence, which starts to infiltrate all areas of his life.
Lastly, providing him with opportunities to develop his independence and decision-making abilities has proven highly beneficial. This has been as simple as allowing him to make choices about hi daily routine or as significant as involving him in setting his own learning goals.
How a Growth Mindset will Help
One of the most influential gifts we can foster in our children is a growth mindset. It really is a game-changer.
The term "growth mindset," coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, refers to the belief that abilities and intelligence are developed through dedication and hard work. This view creates a love for learning and a strength essential to reach our full potential.
For our children with dyslexia, a growth mindset can mean the difference between giving up and pressing on. It provides them with the belief that they can improve and that their learning differences aren't insurmountable obstacles but challenges they will overcome with time and effort.
By fostering a growth mindset, you will help your child see the value in their efforts, celebrate their progress, and not be discouraged by setbacks. It empowers them to take charge of their learning without being defined by their difficulties.
The Truth about Resilience and Dyslexia
The learning journey of a child with dyslexia is filled with trials and triumphs. Their struggles may be many, but so are their strengths. They carry a resilience that is born out of their daily battles, a resilience that is worthy of recognition and admiration from an early age.
But, the truth about resilience and dyslexia is that it requires understanding, compassion, and support. It's about acknowledging their struggles, understanding their unique learning differences, redefining the concept of failure, being aware of trauma, and equipping them with coping strategies.
Our children are not defined by dyslexia but by their strength to keep going. So, let's celebrate their courage, their resilience, and their gifts.
You've got this!
B
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